


The Sound of Silent Stares

by PornyZiallFeels



Series: Man! I feel like a woman [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, M/M, Pining Liam, girl! Liam a.k.a Lianna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 10:12:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PornyZiallFeels/pseuds/PornyZiallFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam makes for a surprisingly fitting girl except that Zayn hadn’t been entirely wrong when he compared him to a tranny…she is still hella ripped but it was nothing a few floral sundresses and a flat iron couldn’t fix though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sound of Silent Stares

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly do not know what to say about this like I literally would stab it to death if I could because it just grew to out of control proportions and it was supposed to be this itty bitty gender swap story and it just got to the point where i wanted it to just fucking end already so you may be able to tell exactly where in the story i just completely gave up and just stopped trying and the ending is complete shit like omg it's embarrassing how horrible but i am posting it bc I promised Ziam gender swap forever ago and i try to keep my promises but yeah this is the worst, you have been warned lol

 When Danielle broke up with him it was safe to say Liam took it a little hard. He got inked for the first time, started going out to the Funky Buddha nightly with Andy and Maz and even contemplated finally buzzing his hair—something Danielle had always been against because she quite liked having something to run her hands through. But in the end he just doubled his alcohol intake to numb the pain and make him forget his loneliness if only for a few blissful hours.

He really should’ve known better than to accept a drink from a stranger but her smile had been warm and she had had these big anime-like eyes that he nearly got lost in, not to mention he’d already drank three times his usual limit and shame on his friends for not keeping a better eye on him—why did he even keep them around for anyway since they were obviously complete rubbish at the whole buddy system thing, so he took the offered shot that was the prettiest shade of purple which is his favorite color so how could he _not_ drink it really?

He remembered that much, that and that it hadn’t burned his throat on its way down like every other shot he’d taken that night had. To be honest he almost asked her for another, but when he looked up she was gone. Shrugging he turned in search of his boys and didn’t think another thing of it.

That is until he woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and a tender chest which was odd, he remembered nearly having to drag himself back into his bedroom and practically face planting onto his mattress before passing out and sure he didn’t ordinarily sleep on his stomach but on the rare occasion that he did he didn’t usually wake up in this much pain…had he run into something last night? Could be, his motor skills were absolute shit after two drinks.

Still puzzling over this Liam wobbled on unsteady legs to the bathroom to piss and raid his medicine cabinet for some aspirin.

He’s stood in front of the toilet when it happens, when his hazy mind clears just enough for him to realize there’s a vital organ missing in order for him to have a successful piss…his _penis_.

 _The fuck?_   He thinks and pulls his looser than usual boxers down to his ankles and lets out the least manliest scream he can muster because _Christ on a pogo_ _stick_ he’s got a vagina. Lifting his t-shirt with now trembling hands even though it’s quite unnecessary he watches through the mirror as two sizable breasts are slowly revealed. He gasps at the sight letting his shirt fall back down as he backs away from his reflection.

His features aren’t even the same as when he went to bed the night before he notices as he spares a final glance at the mirror before exiting the bathroom, noting that his jaw and cheekbones have somehow rounded, softening and his hair is now long and wavy and reaching almost to his shoulders.

There was no question Liam was a girl.

XXX

When Perrie broke up with him to say Zayn took it a little hard would be an understatement but where Liam used substances to dull the pain Zayn used people, choosing to _fuck_ Perrie from his thoughts and memories. It doesn’t take long before the paparazzi have him photographed nightly with a different girl on his arm, shooting them a friendly finger behind his back as he ushered various girls in and out of his flat.

The media goes berserk and before he knows it he is being called in by management and given a stern talking to with a finger wagging in his face by Simon Cowell himself. About how it was still so important that he kept up a certain image for his young, impressionable fans and how they’d been pretty good about his smoking habit, but that they had to draw the line with this.

Zayn sat with his arms crossed defensively and he took this pause in Simon’s rant to mumble into his chest about how they should be talking to Perrie about _her image_ because last time he checked he didn’t remember Little Mix’s fan base demographic being twelve year old lesbians and yet Perrie hadn’t paid that much mind when she dumped Zayn in order to be with _Jade_.

Simon’s mouth was pressed into a thin line as he told Zayn to focus, that Little Mix’s affairs were of no concern to him, but that yes he would deal with them as well in time. Zayn shook his head and cursed society’s double standard: two hot young lesbians were accepted, but god forbid Louis and Harry be allowed to be out and happy together.

 Standing Zayn’s chair fell to the floor behind him but he didn’t bother to right it. Instead, taking a crumbled pack of smokes from the breast pocket of his denim jacket he tapped one out and didn’t even wait until he was out of Simon’s office before lighting up.

XXX

Liam absolutely refused to look at her new body any further and dashed back into her bedroom to grab the first piece of clothing she could get her hands on fortunately that was a pair of baggy Adidas track pants and a loose fitting gray t-shirt.

Sending out a mass text to all the boys with the subject _s.o.s_ , asking them to meet her at Harry and Lou’s flat and that she herself would be there in half an hour.

She gets there in 20 and thinks about just waiting on the front porch until she is sure the others have arrived after all if she was going to do this she wanted it done once and be done with it.

As she approached the door she could hear her band mates inside all four of them. She could hear Harry chastising Niall for raiding their fridge and Louis and Zayn wondering what this whole mess was about, noting the annoyance in Zayn’s voice at having to be out of bed before two pm on a Saturday Liam took a deep breath.

Using her set of keys to enter the flat the room instantly falls silent. She hadn’t expected for them to all be right there in the living room waiting, with big eyes and incredulous stares.

“Uh, can I help you?” Louis braves, even though Liam’s used a key to get inside and as far she knows only the five of them have keys to each other’s houses.

“Guys, it’s me…Li—Liam.” The room is heavy with the uncomfortable silence that’s fallen until Niall is suddenly bursting into laughter like he is oft to do, breaking a smidgen of the tension.

“Come on mate, you’re taking the piss right? What’s all this really about?” He asks looking directly at Louis who was usually behind most if not all pranks. But Louis just stared back cluelessly.

“Oh, how I wish.”  Liam whimpered and drew closer so that she could try and prove her identity; it was Harry who sat closest to her that finally gasped.

Taking in the familiar pouty lips, the warm eyes and large-ish nose…this girl even had the same spatter of moles along her face as Liam and the _birthmark_ the trademark  Liam birthmark, there was no mistaking it, the girl stood before them was their band mate. She was Liam.

XXX

“But how?” Niall asked because it seemed he was the only one still capable of speech at this point.  Liam could only offer him an unhelpful shrug.

“Well, do you remember doing anything strange or out of ordinary last night?” Louis asked, having found his tongue. Liam would’ve joked about Louis finally acting his age because that sounded like something _she_ would say.

 “Erm, not really I just remember going to the Funky Buddha with Maz and Andy and dancing and drinking way too much and…” She suddenly stopped, her mouth clamping shut as the night before slowly came back to her namely the girl with the anime eyes who’d given her that delicious purple drink.

“What is it?” Harry asked, leaning forward, with concern because without even realizing it Liam’s breathing had sped up and she was becoming a little hot under the collar.

“Li, what do you remember?” Niall cautioned, about to come to his friend’s aide.

“There’d been this girl, with huge eyes, and a sweet smile and she’d brought me a drink and I know I shouldn’t ever take a drink from a stranger or at least never actually _drink_ it but I was already so far gone by then I wasn’t thinking very smart and the guys weren’t anywhere to be found and so I drank it mostly because I liked the color of it…t’was purple.” She finished blushing, sheepishly.

Zayn who had remained surprisingly silent throughout the entire ordeal suddenly broke out in raucous laughter that had the others looking at him like he needed some serious professional help.

“What’re you on over there Zayn and why didn’t you bring enough for the class? Surly we could all use it in a time like this.” Louis clucked his tongue at Zayn which only caused the darker boy to laugh harder, tears streaming down his face until he finally hiccupped to a stop.

“You look like a proper tranny Liam, you’re still so buff and cut…girls are meant to be smaller and delicate looking, but you look like you could still go a few rounds in the ring with Paul and come out the _victor!_ ” Against their better judgment the other three boys found themselves laughing at this, not Liam though who glared at the darker boy. Niall noticing Liam’s displeasure first tried to cover his laughter with a cough rather belatedly.

“I don’t know boys I think Liam makes for a right pretty chit.” He took this time to reach a hand out to stroke it through Liam’s waves.

“Kind of reminds me of your WMYB video hair only slightly longer.” Louis added, after his own laughter had finally tapered off.

“Yeah, s’nice.” Harry chimed in, patting Liam’s shoulder. Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Alright if we’re all just going to lie to him than yeah you’re gorgeous Liam…Make Megan Fox look like a leper…

 _“Zayn!”_ Harry chastised, rubbing Liam’s shoulder even harder to soothe her.

“What? He’s got a nice rack but that’s about it…” Standing he stretched his arms up above his head, his t-shirt raising to reveal a sliver of skin.

“If that’s all you wanted to tell us, I think I’m going to peace out in favor of doing something else— _anything else_ really.”

“Don’t you meansome _one_ else? You mean to pick up tonight am I right?” Liam murmured with a raised eyebrow, her smirk condescending and if she wasn’t a well _she_ Zayn would’ve enjoyed punching that smirk right off Liam’s face.

“Something along those lines.” He offered before shrugging and without another word he was making his way to the door.

XXX

After Zayn’s exit the others began talking over one another in an attempt to figure out what they were going to do about the shit ton of promo they still had to do for _Take Me Home_ now that Liam decided to misplace his penis, but more importantly they contemplated the best way for Liam to break it to management. In the end they’d decided to simply show up at Modest! Headquarters and let Liam’s body do the talking.

There was mild freaking outage on Cowell’s part but in the end it was Ryan Seacrest of all people who was responsible for the following events: he’d been in the middle of bashing Zayn and his manslutting ways and mentioned that Zayn needed to find a nice sensible girl to settle down with then proceeded to list possible potential girlfriends which included: Jordin Sparks, Ariana Grande & Emma Roberts. When a spark suddenly caught fire behind Simon’s brown eyes as he gave Liam’s new body the once over and smiled.

So that is how Liam’s current condition goes from being a major annoyance (because he has to miss promo for the album and tour due to his “sickness”) to temporary solution to the Zayn the _great big manslut_ issue. Thus Lianna Payne (estranged cousin of Liam) came to be dating Zayn Malik.

Liam makes for a surprisingly fitting girl except that Zayn hadn’t been entirely wrong when he compared him to a tranny…she is still hella ripped but it was nothing a few floral sundresses and a flat iron couldn’t fix though.

Most important and unexpected the fans instantly love her, considering her to be the closest to being “one of them” a 1D girlfriend has ever been before.

 

The only real problem would be that Liam and Zayn didn’t always get along when they were both dudes and simply band mates, they had too conflicting morals and while Liam disapproved of Zayn’s playboy ways Zayn found Liam’s _holier than thou_ act to be arrogant not to mention hypocritical. So now forced to be around each other the two are constantly at each other’s throats when not in the public eye.

XXX

They were getting ready for their public debut, because up until now they’d simply been a speculation lost among all the other 1D conspiracies floating around the internet Niall and _Demi,_ Haylor, Niall and _Amy_ , Elounor, Niall and _a piece of toast._

So they had the odd blurry candid taken of them walking around London together sometimes while shopping for groceries, another time feeding the ducks in a local park, no one knew her name, no one recognized her face they just knew that since their very first sighting together, Zayn hadn’t picked up a single club bird, which undoubtedly caused eyebrows to be raised.

 But tonight the boys were attending the Radio Music Awards where they were nominated in a few categories Harry cleverly brought his mum, Louis brought Eleanor and Niall had joked that since Ed Sheeran was also in the building that they would just be each other’s dates for the night much to the current red carpet interviewer’s amusement.

Zayn was of course forced to bring Liam or _Lianna_ as they were supposed to take to calling her in public, he didn’t like it because not only was she miles from being his type but she still resembled Liam too much to overlook. Sure they tried by thinning out her eyebrows considerably and showing her how to apply a basic amount of makeup but she was still _Liam_ his male band mate and Zayn was definitely straight so having to act all lovey-dovey for the allotted 2-3 hour show was sure to be pure torture.

In fact everything with Liam seemed like a punishment these days, being forced together for appearances when they didn’t really have much to talk about and they already spent roughly 18 hours a day together as a band not to mention when they did go their separate ways they did things the other had no interests in. Zayn: drinking, smoking and skating boarding with Louis on occasion while Liam could often be found doing a twitcam or trolling youtube for funny cat videos.

He was just slipping his arms into the sleeves of his suit jacket when Liam cleared her throat, fidgeting in the doorway. Zayn raised bored eyes up to meet hers and nearly broke his neck doing a double take because shit…Lou and Caroline did a real number on her, managing to pull off a miracle because Liam looked sort of good. Shaking his head Zayn had to force himself to look away because shit there was no _sort of_ about it Liam looked hot and the darker boy figured he could admit it if only in the safety of his own mind.

“Erm, are you ready to go?” She asked softly, admiring the room’s carpet.

“Uh yeah just let me grab my—uh wallet.” Liam nodded once, biting her lip. Wallet now safely tucked away in the inside pocket of his jacket Zayn turned back to his date, still drinking her in, in disbelief. Liam caught him making his way up from her nude open toed pumps to her apple red lips and smiled nervously, smoothing both her hands down the clingy maroon material of her form hugging dress.

“So, you think I’ll do for tonight?” Zayn choked on his own spit, and then cleared his throat to cover up the fact, fussing with the collar of his charcoal gray button down as they made their way to the elevator of the hotel they were staying in for the event.

“Oh, I suppose Lou and Caroline did a bit of alright…must’ve taken _hours_.” He finished with a snide jab to make up for the compliment. Liam glowered back.

“Yeah well good luck trying to fend off [Pepé le Pew](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FPep%25C3%25A9_Le_Pew&ei=Jq_TUJKuDsXp0QGm1ICYBQ&usg=AFQjCNHnVpJUIgL_4Kn3U_9cQSSSFPGG5g&bvm=bv.1355534169,d.dmQ) when he falls in love with _your hair_.” Zayn didn’t know whether to take offense or feel sorry that, that had been the _best_ Liam could up with. In the end he simply rolled his eyes, so Liam kicked at the wall with the toe of her shoe and nodded, looking at the ground.

“But seriously you have no idea, remind me to never complain about my girlfriend taking too long to get ready again, the _things_ girls have to go through for a single event—a measly 2 hours that I’ll spend 90% of sitting down.” Zayn stayed silent not really knowing what to say to that, but it didn’t seem like any kind of response was expected so they rode the elevator in semi-comfortable silence before joining the others in the hotel lobby.

XXX

After Niall’s crack about being Ed’s date the interviewer inevitably turns the mic to Zayn and with an overly cheerful smile she asks him about the lovely lady on Zayn’s arm tonight and the dark boy literally has to stop himself from saying ‘lovely lady?’ because it’s _Liam_ for god sakes but he instead manages a faux blush, nodding to where Liam stood off to the side with Eleanor and it’s weird because just a month or so ago it had been Eleanor standing similarly with Danielle and Perrie, weird because now it was Liam standing in the girlfriend wing and he didn’t look at all out of place which was really playing with Zayn’s mind.

“I, uh have my mate Liam to thank for my angel Lianna over there.”

“Oh yeah?” The interviewer coaxed him on, leaning unnecessarily closer and flashing him her cleavage.

“Yep, t’was him that introduced us, she’s his cousin you see…” Zayn coughed, quickly averting his eyes.

Liam fidgeted with both nerves and out of boredom not used to being on this end of these kinds of events she sort of felt bad that Eleanor and even Dani had to suffer through just standing here being all but ignored because they weren’t _anybody_ by Hollywood’s standards. She slanted a look at El just in time to catch her discreetly trying to cover up a yawn. Noticing Liam’s attentions, she offered her a small smile and a roll of her eyes as she nodded to where Louis now had Niall in a deathly headlock and Liam sighed, missing her friends and their antics more than ever, missed being a part of it.

She was just about to take out her phone and suggest they start a game of _Draw Something_ together when finally, _finally_ Paul came over to usher them as well as the boys into the building. Liam’s brow knitted on her forehead when Zayn offered a crooked elbow to her. Trying not to read too much into it Liam looped her arm with Zayn’s and smiled on cue as several dozen flashbulbs went off around them.

Things weren’t any more exciting on the inside of the event if she were being honest but at least now she could sit and give her poor feet a break—high heels should definitely be considered a cruel and unusual form of punishment. She glanced around them trying to people watch without looking like a creeper she was after all in a roomful of celebrities that she had more or less looked up to her entire life even if she couldn’t actually approach anyone in her current form.

Liam was sat between Eleanor and Zayn so between the two she chose to talk to El mostly to complain about her feet which El simply clucked her tongue at in sympathy and tried to offer Liam tricks for the future to make things a little more bearable, Liam nodded in all the right places but didn’t tell her that she had no intentions of getting _used_ to anything that she hoped to be _him_ again before then.

There was an open bar and Zayn had taken full advantage of this fact now that they’d already presented an award to Rihanna, and he no longer needed to be sober enough to read his bit off the teleprompter, knowing that if they did end up winning in their own categories (which they probably would) that he would just avoid the mic, letting Louis do most of the talking since he’d volunteered early on in the car ride over to be the sober Liam substitute, begrudgingly.  Liam sighed and decided that a drink of her own was in order just the one, a small one that she would make last for the rest of the night.

As she approached the bar two things became alarmingly apparent. 1. She didn’t really know what to order and 2. There were eyes following her, she could feel them but she didn’t know who they belonged to, until someone slid in next to her, breathing warm breath on her bare shoulder.

“Well hello there.” The owner of the eyes said and Liam finally looked up from the drink menu to meet the startlingly blue eyes of Max George of The Wanted.

“Erm, hi.” She greeted back with a tight smile, she personally didn’t have much of a problem with Max or any of The Wanted for that matter but Zayn and Louis couldn’t stand them so she didn’t know if it were too wise to chance being seen socializing with a member of their rival band.

“You’re here with Malik aren’t you? How did he manage that?”

“Sorry?” Liam asked, genuinely confused.

“To be lucky enough to have such a pretty thing as his date, a step up from that walking Barbie doll he used to date what’s her name from Remix or something.”

“ _Perrie_ , from _Little Mix_ you mean?”

“Suppose so, but whatever, doesn’t really matter since they’re done and he’s lucked out and got _you_ now.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Perrie’s such a lovely girl.” Liam insisted, turning to the bar to try and get the bartender’s attention.

“Oh yeah, you a lady licker too then? Man Zayn sure knows how to pick ‘em.” Max snorted at the same time Liam let out an indignant shriek.

“What? No, of course not!” She swore, her cheeks hot and just as pink as a pig.

“Aw, fuck I’m sorry, really. It’s just I’ve been drinking tonight and doesn’t matter that I’m in a famous boy band I’m still complete shite at talking to a pretty lass.”

“You, you think I’m pretty” Liam couldn’t help but prod, batting her lashes for emphasis. Because even though she wasn’t remotely interested in the buzzed singer, a girl never really tired of hearing it, when someone thought she was pretty. Max looked personally affronted by the question as he grabbed her gently by the arm.

“Don’t tell me Malik doesn’t tell you…”

“I don’t tell her what?” Zayn slurred, suddenly appearing at Liam’s other side. His eyes immediately zoning in on the hold Max still had on her arm.

“Zayn, oh hey uh Max here was just asking me if I knew what you guys had decided for the next single, weren’t you Max?” The lie rolled easily off her tongue as she eased her arm from his grip.

“No, I was wondering how a prat like you could manage to bag yourself a catch like you have here and not even bother to tell her she’s beautiful. Just goes to show you 1D boys can sing it but don’t bring it.” Liam couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Sod off, George.”

“Ooh, you wound me with your big bad words _Malik_.” Max taunted, with an eye roll. Zayn who’d had more than enough to drink to think that it would be perfectly alright to get into a physical confrontation at a high profile not to mention nationally televised event. He threw a punch at the older man, hitting him square in the shoulder which was all good and well except that he’d been aiming for Max’s face, but whatever at least he’d made contact at all, small miracles and all that.

The side of Max’s mouth went up in anger as he turned to no doubt return the gesture but Liam moved in front of him, putting herself between them.

“Look we’ve all had maybe a few too many tonight and have maybe said some things we shouldn’t have but let’s remember that this place is crawling with cameras and agree to finish this—if you must—at a later time.” Standing up straight Max looked around them as if just remembering where they were. At this point the bartender had finally moseyed over to them and asked what he could get for them. Zayn ordered a gin and tonic neat but Liam just shook her head at the bartender.

“Oh no you don’t you’ve had quite enough tonight.”

“Pssh, please daddy direction isn’t here remember Li?”

“Well, then I guess I’ll just have to assume the role of momma in his place.” Liam faintly heard Max chuckling behind her but couldn’t really be bothered to turn around and glare at him because he wasn’t helping at all.

“So, if I’m bad, I might get a spanking then?” Zayn whispered suggestively before realizing who he was talking to, he shook his head mouth twisted in disgust.

“Fuck you’re right I’ve definitely had too much.” Zayn grumbled, heading back to his seat.

“What about for you gorgeous?” The bartender asked with a wink. And for the second time that night Liam’s cheeks rivaled Babe the pig. Sighing dejectedly at the drink menu she finally shook her head figuring with Zayn being completely pissed one of them should have their wits about them tonight.

After plopping down hard in his seat, Zayn rubbed a rough hand over his face wondering what the fuck has come over him. Why had he said that to Liam of all people? He knew the answer of course it was all Lou and Caroline’s fault and their stupid makeover that had the likes of Max George, the bartender and select few others checking her out and it was driving him crazy because he’s not supposed to have feelings for her, not supposed to be jealous when other guys watch her walk away their eyes trained on her ass, she was his band mate, she was a _he_ and just… _no_.

Zayn chocked it down to simple pride as explanation for his inexplicable jealousy, after all Lianna was supposed to be _his_ girlfriend—he wouldn’t have another guy especially not someone the likes of Max _motherfucking_ George of The Wanted seen chatting her up. That was all it’s not as if he was jealous because he actually cared for her…him… _fuck!_

XXX

After the final award was given out the show’s host (he’s pretty sure is Stephen Colbert, but then it could also be the lead singer of Weezer for all he knew did Rivers Cuomo do stand up now?) The band decided to show face at the after party but didn’t plan on staying too long since they had an early flight the next morning, but once there Zayn quickly reconsidered the self-imposed cut off and accepted the shot of patron handed to him.

He was well on his way to being able to taste his own eyeballs when Liam suddenly appeared at his side, and it was just in time too because the moment she bore more than half his weight with her shoulder his knees decided they were going to buckle from beneath him.

“Shit, Li I…” He tried to speak but his speech was way too slurred to make any kind of sense and Liam just shhed him and half  dragged half carried him to the building’s exit. She looked for the other members of the band but couldn’t find anyone so sighing she hailed a cab back to the hotel, because contrary to belief Zayn wasn’t as light as he looked and her new body wasn’t as strong, so her arms were beginning to shake under his weight. She figured she could text the others that they’d left from the comfort of the taxi.

Once in the hotel Zayn protests when Liam drags him to his room of their suite, batting futilely at hands that tried undressing him.

“Zayn, do you want to sleep in your suit tonight?”

“No, but I can…I can do it meself!” He insisted accent thickened by alcohol.

“Ok fine.” She finally relented watching as the darker boy pathetically attempted unbuttoning his shirt, after a good five minutes of struggling and managing only to unbutton three measly buttons Zayn abandoned the shirt in favor of his trousers. He has a slightly easier time at this, getting both the button and zipper open and shaking his hips so that they pooled down at his ankles, but without waiting until he’d stepped out of them he moved forward toward his unpacked bag to fetch his pajamas and suddenly found himself face planting onto the carpeted floor.

He groaned rolling over onto his back and bringing a hand up to rub at his sore nose and jaw, sure that he was going to have a fat lip in the morning from the way his teeth had dug into the pink flesh during the fall. He faintly heard the sound of diluted laughter and pointed a glare in Liam’s direction at least he thought it was a glare, it comes off as more of a grimace.

Liam is down at his side once again, helping him to his feet, and making sure, he toed off his shoes before stepping out of his pants, leaving him in only his button down shirt, briefs and black dress socks.

She grabs at the front of his shirt to finish what Zayn had started but when the inebriated boy went to slap her hands away he brought the hand up to his mouth instead, eyes wide as he suddenly lurched forward in warning. Liam had just enough time to direct him to the bathroom before Zayn was running straight for the toilet and making it just in time to spill the little bit he’d had to eat for dinner that night.

To Zayn’s horror Liam doesn’t leave him to suffer alone and after a few wrenching heaves he feels more than hears when Liam enters the bathroom, kneeling beside him and rubbing comforting circles into his back.

He probably spends a good twenty minutes alternating between dry heaving, swearing off drinking and cursing his maker, and Liam stayed with him through all of it, with a gentle hand and calming voice. Finally, after he’d given the porcelain gods all he had to offer he allows for Liam to lead him to the bed and rid his body of his now stained shirt.

Tucking Zayn in, wearing only his briefs Liam went back to the bathroom and returned with a glass of water and some complimentary aspirin from the medicine cabinet. Kicking her heels off finally she made sure to set the trash bin at the side of the bed nearest to Zayn’s head and climbed up onto the other side of the bed, spooning Zayn from behind. The last thing Zayn remembers before he passes out is sighing contentedly into Liam’s soothing embrace and mumbling ‘you’re not _really_ my girlfriend Li’ into his pillow.

When he wakes up the next morning he’s alone in bed and he curses himself for thinking otherwise but to his shock when he wanders out into the living room area of their suite after using the bathroom, he’s immediately bombarded with the smell of turkey bacon and scrambled eggs.

When he spies, Liam curled up on the couch in baggy sweats and a vintage _Rainbow Brite_ t-shirt scrolling through her phone with a room service cart sat in the corner. He clears his throat to let Liam know he was there and is rewarded with a slow smile.

“Oh, you’re alive.” She joked, unfolding her legs from up under her.

“Ha, yeah, though it doesn’t feel like it…supposed I have you thank for that.”  Zayn grimaced at his rolling stomach, scratching at the back of his neck. Liam shrugged one shoulder.

“I ordered a little room service in case you woke up hungry; the others already crawled out of bed about an hour ago, but opted to eat down in the hotel restaurant.” Liam leaned forward, pulling the cart closer to her and lifted the dome cover. Zayn licked his lips and his stomach began to growl as he was assaulted with the heavenly scent of sustenance. Liam seemed genuinely pleased with herself as she watched him all but attack the lone plate piled high with food.

All at once, Zayn has to swallow the sudden lump of emotion in his throat because he’s maybe always taken Liam for granted, even though he/she could be somewhat of a righteous ponce most of the time, she still had a heart of gold. She’d still stayed with Zayn last night and helped him through one of his worst drinking bouts of his life and somehow despite the distance that has always unconsciously been between them, she still managed to know all his favorite breakfast foods.

Without realizing he’d paused mid-bite, a forkful of eggs still poised at his lips, causing Liam to throw him a confused look:

“Everything alright?”  She asked, eyes scanning his plate briefly before meeting his eyes.

“Fine, a little cold but what can ya do right?” Zayn didn’t mean for his words to come out as snippy as they did, but before he could take them back Liam’s eyes had narrowed at him.

“Well shit Zayn, sorry I didn’t know when or _if_ you were going to finally get your drunk ass up this morning…don’t worry it won’t happen again, you can just starve next time for all I care.” And just like that they were back to their regularly scheduled programming.

XXX

They’re back in London and have managed to actually go a whopping three full days without seeing each other, but by the fourth day Zayn is texting Louis to see if he wanted to wrangle the rest of the lads up for a movie night, Louis replies:

 **Tommo:**   _it’s about time Malik, 4 days, 4!!! w/o any kinda contact wheres the luv?_

**Zayn:** _yeh yeh wat time shuld I be over_

**Tommo:** _u kno our poor hazza has deep rooted abandonment issues_

**Zayn:** _alrite im sorry tell him ive got a box of dem biscuits he likes 2 make up 4 it_

**Tommo:** _atta boy c ya at 7 tonite_

As he changes into a loose pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt Zayn wonders oddly, why he hasn’t heard from management about not making any public appearances with _Lianna_ since the awards show almost a week ago. He knows he and Liam will probably have to plan a few outings for the next couple of days at some point tonight.

Thinking this brought him back to the subject of how long this whole _Liambeingagirlthing_ was supposed to last anyhow and whether he was going to have to pretend to date her the _entire_ time. After all they were already coming up on a month that the band has been on hiatus, while Liam got over the second coming of the Spanish influenza or whatever other near death sickness management had fed the media.

When he arrives, he accepts the hug from Harry who let him in, snatching the box of chocolate biscuits greedily and digging into them before Niall’s nose could pick up on the fact that there was food that wasn’t in his hands for whatever reason and rose from the couch to investigate. Zayn shook his head in amusement and sat down on the opposite couch after shedding his jacket, he nodded at Louis who was knelt in front of the movie cabinet, already inserting a disc into the dvd player.

“Fight Club alright with you mate?” The eldest boy asked anyway, standing and joining him on the couch.

“Damn right, haven’t seen it in ages, which is just _wrong_.”

“How long is _ages_ exactly because I may just have to clobber you on principle.”

“Uh not sure exactly, but hey where is Liam?”

“Don’t know she’s not been answering any of my texts or calls, none of us have even heard from her since landing on English soil actually. So now I’m pretty worried because I was kind of hoping _you’d_ at least heard from her since you’re supposed to be _dating_.” He took this opportunity to glare at Zayn for apparently being a neglectful fake boyfriend.

“Wait we’ve been back in London for nearly a week and she’d begged off from hitting up the Chinese buffet our first night back claiming she wasn’t feeling well, and stood us up for bowling the following afternoon…so no one’s heard from her in five whole days?”

“That’s what I’m saying…

“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?”

“Well we at least know she’s alive because Niall said she was on twitter earlier today,  tweeting something about Edward Scissorhands, oi Niall come read Zayn Liam’s latest tweet.” The blonde bounded back into the living room now cradling the box of biscuits while Zayn assumed Harry was left in the kitchen to make popcorn. Chuckling already, Niall whipped out his iphone and scrolled to the desired tweet:

@LiLipop: _Screw you Edward Scissorhands!!!_

“We all assumed it was some kinky innuendo about fingering.” Niall cackled around a mouthful of cookie.

Zayn raised an eyebrow at that not at all sure why he cared so much I mean if Louis wasn’t too worried about Liam’s absence from their ‘together time’ then he sure as hell wasn’t going to break a sweat over it. The main menu of the movie had just come on when Harry strolled into the room, nimbly climbing over the back of the couch Niall sat, landing half on top of the slighter boy and making sure to elbow him in the side for stealing his biscuits. All while managing not to spill the bowl of popcorn, but then that was Harry Styles for you, a man of many talents.

The minute Harry had settled into the couch, the bowl was snatched from his hands by Louis who simply stuck his tongue out at the younger boy’s protests, before pressing play on the remote.

Zayn watched the opening credits only half paying attention as his mind stubbornly lingered on Liam, namely why she was avoiding being around them and what in the world, Edward Scissorhands had to do with it all. He distractedly dug his hand into the bowl of popcorn when Louis offered it to him, tossing a few kernels into his mouth, but not tasting them. Finally realizing there wasn’t any point in him staying to watch the film, knowing he wouldn’t be able to concentrate he stood up, waving off the other’s odd looks.

“I just remembered there’s something I was supposed to do for my uh mum, rain check?” Zayn didn’t know why he lied to them exactly except for the fact that he couldn’t have them knowing that he actually cared about Liam, was maybe worried about her.

“Oh yeah, so suddenly?” Louis asked, munching on a mouthful of popcorn but his eyes twinkled knowingly. Zayn nodded once and headed for the door, thankful that Louis kept any other comments he may have had to himself.

“Alright text me tonight and we’ll all do something maybe tomorrow?”

“For sure.” He called from over his shoulder already halfway out the door.

XXX

Using his copy of Liam’s key Zayn let himself into her pristine flat, at first glance, one would think that no one was home—that no one had been there for months even, but he knew that couldn’t be the case. He spied little subtleties that told him otherwise like Liam’s favorite trainers sitting on the floor by the door, the unused pot on the stove with a can of some sort on the counter beside it and a small pile of dirty dishes uncharacteristically left soaking in the sink.

Venturing further into the apartment, he made his way back into the bedroom, opening the door slowly and as quietly as he could he peeked his head inside to see Liam curled up in the fetal position, crying bloody murder.

“What’sa matter?” He asked in lieu of greeting, bursting into the room and rounding to Liam’s side of the bed. Liam looked up, seeming to be trying her damndest to try and keep her face from contorting in pain but she failed miserably as she let out another long groan, hugging her knees impossibly closer to her chest.

“I don’t know! I just feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach by all five spice girls while they’re wearing those platform shoes from the 90’s. Or that Edward bloody Scissorhands is redecorating my insides…” Zayn raised an amused eyebrow, so that’s what the tweet was about.

Truth is she hasn’t left her bed in days, save for when she’s literally forced to crawl on hands and knees to the bathroom when absolutely necessary which was much more often than she’d have liked.

“Uh ok, did you like eat something bad or?” He tried to reason with her, logically.

“No, actually I don’t know when I last ate come to think of it but the mere _thought_ of food makes me want to throw up and the one time I tried to make tin soup my stomach knotted up so tight I could barely breathe let alone stand and concentrate on not burning down the flat.”

“Well I say you try to get something down even if it’s just soup. And for god sake you’ve got to leave this room it’s so fucking stuffy in here.” He moved to open the window while Liam grumbled and moaned behind him. But he heard the covers being thrown from her body, so satisfied that she was following his orders he turned to head into the kitchen to scrounge up some soup when Liam gasped and he looked over to see what had caused the noise only to groan in disgust.

“Oh god Liam.” The look on her face would probably be comical in any other situation.

“Fuck me; I must’ve broken something in my sleep. Fuck what do I…” Zayn shot the panicking girl an incredulous look before shaking his head.

“Liam you’ve got 2 sisters yeah?”

“Yes, you know I do…”

“And if they were in your shoes and woke up to a bed like that would you assume it was because they’d _broken something_ or?” He waved at the blood stain on Liam’s light blue sheets.

“No, I’d…” Liam chewed her lip in thought before realization fell over her and she turned a lovely shade of pink.

“Oh— _oh!”_ She finally said.

“Yeah, I don’t supposed you have anything for your, well you know pads, tampons and the like?” At Liam’s firm head shake Zayn sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Guess I’ll just have to pop into Tesco, then.” The utter surprise on Liam’s face was almost worth the unease he would no doubt be in scanning the feminine needs aisle.

XXX

He’s in the dreaded sanitary aisle and his skin is literally itching he’s so uncomfortable and quite frankly clueless as to which of the colorful boxes to grab for. He’s just about to close his eyes and pick one blindly when a small elderly woman approaches him.

“Can I be of assistance?” She asked, with a knowing look. Zayn exhaled the breath he hadn’t even realized he were holding and nodded.

“Please.” She smiled at him, patting his arm in assurance.

“Alright now what size do you think the young lady wears?”

“I don’t—it’s her first time.”

“Oh.” She said surprised, giving him a sweet smile.

“How thoughtful of you, that actually helps us narrow down our selection considerably. Now how old is she.”

“Erm, 19?” He cautioned knowing how that sounded. With her eyebrows raised high up on her forehead almost reaching her hairline, she broke eye contact with him in favor of scanning the many different brands.

“Oh well, no two bodies are alike when it comes to this delicate subject you know?”

“Yeah?” He asked, toying with his bracelet, a nervous habit he’d picked up since being on the X factor.

“Oh yes, do you think she’d be more comfortable wearing maxi pads or tampons since she’s… _older_?”

“I don’t…” Zayn started, holding his hands helplessly up in front of him.

“Well is she sexually active if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I _really_ don’t…” He brings a hand up to scratch at the back of his head now, because his anxiety level has risen through the roof and he doesn’t know if he will even be able to wait for _Sue_ (her nametag read) to find him sufficient protection for Liam because he’s about to bail altogether.

“Alright tell you what why don’t you just get a pack of both and of course you’ll need a few of these she mumbled throwing a box of both regular sized pads and tampons into his basket as well as feminine wipes and after leading him into another aisle altogether grabbed a box of Midol.

XXX

Zayn burst into her bedroom for the second time that day, arms loaded with bags of feminine products, which he immediately dumped onto the bed before backing as far away from them as possible without actually leaving the room, the house, the _fucking city_. Liam blinked bleary eyes at him having finally passed out from the pain as she waited for his return. She peeked down at the bags then up at Zayn’s traumatized face and a soft fondness spread across her face that the darker boy couldn’t quite decipher.

“You really…god Zayn thank you, I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it.”

“You needed this stuff so…” The older boy shrugged as if it were no big deal and could they please just drop it, but Liam knew from experience that it was a huge deal.

He remembers being 12 years old and being dragged down the _forbidden_ aisle with his mum and sisters. Remembers begging his mother to let him go wait in the car and wanting to peel his own skin off when she told him no, telling him to be a big boy and stop acting like a baby—or well that might’ve been Ruth actually.

“I know but, you didn’t have to I’m sure I’ve got something in the house that would’ve sufficed, plenty of toilet paper maybe or I could’ve used some cotton balls—I don’t know…” She was talking madness now and Zayn had to roll his eyes, finally uncrossing his arms.

“Don’t be daft, you’ve got all you’ll need now so why don’t you go into the bathroom and do whatever you need to do, Sue said there are instructions on the box so uh…” He waved at the bags, trying to urge Liam to at least look in them.

“Sue?” She questioned, pulling the closest bag to her but still only giving it a cursory glance.

“My Tesco guardian angel.” Liam couldn’t help but laugh, sitting up completely now she dug into one of the bags holding up a pack of pads in one hand and a box of tampons in the other, reading them both to try and decide which she would be  more comfortable using.

“These have got wings…that sounds kind of _cool,_ no?”  She asked, looking at Zayn with wide-eyed innocence and in that moment Liam looked so much like himself, his _boy_ self that Zayn had to look away, shaking his head, he brought a palm up to his forehead.

“And that is my cue to go. I’ll just be out in the kitchen to make you something to eat in the meantime yeah?”

“Alright…” Zayn turned to leave when Liam’s small voice stopped him, making him freeze mid-step:

“Thank you, Zayn.” He didn’t expect the self satisfied jolt to spark within him, but it did and he would probably spend the entire night staring up at his ceiling contemplating what this meant but for now he nodded, not even bothering to turn back around.

Zayn walked out into the kitchen to boil some water for hot chocolate, which he remembers, both Doniya and Waliya favoring whenever it was their time of the month. He’d even bought a bag of little marshmallows because he knew how much Liam loved them, as well as a snickers bar and a pint of strawberry ice cream. He’d even took the liberty of picking up a few five dollar rom-coms starring Kate Hudson off the movie display at the checkout line.

Fifteen minutes later Liam walked out from the back room, moving weird, as if she was walking on the moon.

“You alright there?” Zayn asked, stirring the soup with one hand while he dumped a nestle hot chocolate packet into Liam’s favorite Disneyland mug filled with hot water.

“Feels weird, a little like wearing a diaper even though the box said extra thin. But I took like four of those pills you got me and they did the trick well and proper I feel like sumo wrestling a polar bear, climbing a mountain, or challenging someone to a duel—I feel great, strong. It was sort of like I was Superman, and cramps were my kryptonite and Midol gave me all my super alien powers back, because Superman is an _alien_ people always seem to forget that bit you know? They give Batman all this crap about being a millionaire with a lot of fancy toys but at least he used his money and social influences for good, chose to fight evildoers despite the fact that he wasn’t invincible, I mean Superman is bloody bullet proof how is that fair?”  Zayn listened to her ramble on, face literally in pain at comparing herself to Superman.

“Uh, yeah what was the recommended dosage for those pills Liam?”

“Two.”

“Crikey, you took double!”

“Yeah well I figured since this is my first one and most girls get their period around eleven or so, that this body has like eight years to make up for and that’s why I’ve been near on my death bed these passed days, so I deserve a little extra help you know?”

“I’m almost positive it doesn’t work like that, Liam promise me you’ll only take the recommended two from now on or I’m taking them with me when I leave.” Liam pouted but in the end, she relented.

“Is that hot cocoa I smell?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard it helps to drink something warm when you’re on well you know and all girls like chocolate right?” Liam rolled her eyes but smiled as she entered the kitchen, taking the steaming mug as it was handed to her.

“Silly Zayn, I loved chocolate when I was a _boy_ …it’s just so chocolaty.”

“There’s a bag of those mini marshmallows you like up in the cabinet where you keep the crisps.” Her entire face lit up at this and she nearly sprinted over to the cabinet, turning her back to Zayn as she torn the bag open and pour entirely too many into her cocoa, hands just the slightest bit shaky.

Because she hadn’t seen this one coming. She did not anticipate Zayn turning out to be this sweet understanding, doting boyfriend. It just came out of left field, a side Liam has yet to see in the two years they’ve been a band and the scariest part of all is she might have fallen a little bit in love with him.

“Ah, goddamnit!” She hears Zayn hiss and turns to see him attempting to pour the soup from the pot into a bowl and scolding his fingers when some runs down the sides.

“In case it isn’t obvious this shit is hot as balls, so be careful with it.” Zayn warned her, setting the bowl down at the table, gulping Liam walked back out of the kitchen to the dining table and sat behind the bowl of soup. For a minute Liam just sat there staring down at it, still not believing this was really happening that Zayn of all people had truly made her soup. Mistaking Liam’s hesitancy for scrutiny Zayn was quick to go on the defense.

“I know it’s not gourmet, but I mean its tin soup what do you expect, but if you eat it all up there may be a strawberry surprise in the freezer for dessert.” Biting her lip and fiddling with the spoon Liam spoke more to the soup than to Zayn when she said:

 “Thank you...for everything, really. For going to Tesco, the hot cocoa, and making me soup. I really do appreciate it.” Once again Zayn tried downplaying his efforts with a shrug but this time Liam caught the way the corners of his mouth twitched up into a proud smile.

“You’ve got no one else here yeah? ‘Sides I owed you one from the awards show, I’d been a right mess that night and an ungrateful twat the next morning, never properly thanked you.” Liam didn’t argue with him on his being a twat, but she did offer a hand out to him which he took, giving it a healthy shake.

“Consider us all squared away then.” Taking her hand back, she proceeded to dip her spoon into the soup and raise it to her mouth, but before she could open her mouth Zayn held up a hand, miming blowing on the spoon. Liam rolled her eyes but did just that.

XXX

The next few weeks are filled with dates, planned and staged by management who always made sure their locations were leaked to every pap in town. Things have definitely changed since Liam’s monthly visitor, or more importantly the way she acted towards him had changed, she was so much more agreeable and seemed to actually enjoy going on ‘dates’ with him and just generally being around him which was really pissing him off.

Because no matter how hard he tried to goad Liam into arguing with him she would just giggle into her hand and shake her head in an ‘oh you’ sort of fashion, it frustrated  him the way she refused to take the bait. It got so bad that Zayn would literally give her the silent treatment, but she didn’t seem to mind as she batted her eyelashes at him and took his hand when indicated to by their people.

What Zayn failed to realize is that ever since he’d played superhero and got her, her lady things as well as cooked for her Liam has basically had hearts in her eyes whenever Zayn is around and everyone notices except for him of course.

The truth is that somewhere along the line he started getting a inexplicable thrill from fighting with Liam a sort of rush he couldn’t even begin to explain if you asked him, but it was huge and semi sexual (probably to make up for the lack of actual sex he’s been not having) and he needed it and wanted it back _badly_.

XXX

Then one night they’re in Canada doing promo when the boys decide to hit the club, _Lianna_ is invited to tag along but she begs off choosing to stay in and maybe read or something. The others shrug in a ‘suit yourself’ fashion and head to their rooms to get ready.

All Zayn had intended was to have a fun night out to drink and dance and just get away from the **Zianna** madness for a while but right before he’d decided to finish up his last drink and book it, his eyes land on _her_ and she’s basically everything he’s pictured to wank to since he was twelve years old. Long tan legs glistening with some kind of body glitter, ass round and tight and her tits, fuck her tits were so big she’d make Pam Anderson self conscious.

She was the perfect blend of Nicole Scherzinger and Megan Fox and when she quirked her finger at him there was no way he wasn’t going over there so downing the last of his vodka cran, he sauntered over to her with his signature swag and hit her with the smolder. She swooned appropriately and the two chatted mindlessly steering clear of anything substantial, she asked him if he wanted to dance and he said ‘sure, but not here.’

She hit him with put on doe eyes and asked ‘then where.’ That’s when he asked if she wanted to go back to his hotel room, promised he would dance for her there. She gifted him with a sexy grin, biting her lip as she pretended to think his offer over before shrugging and leaning forward to display _the girls_ even more before whispering in the sultriest voice he’s ever heard ‘I’d love to.’

XXX

Luckily by the time they were in his room, half dressed and kissing on the bed they’d dropped all pretence of him dancing because there was no way he would be doing that without smoking a blunt first and he was completely out of bud at the moment so that was a definite no go. But dancing seemed to be the furthest thing from her mind as he cupped one of her sized double d breasts out of her bra and made her eyes roll back with his tongue.

That’s exactly how Liam finds them, Zayn with his tongue caught between her teeth and one naked breast in his hand. Liam blinked for a moment not believing what she was seeing, she’d honestly thought that Zayn had changed, but now she realized that a leopard truly could never change its spots.

“What the fuck Zayn?”

“Li-anna, how did you even get in here, I know I locked the door.”

“Oh right because that’s the most alarming issue here, how I got into your room not the fact that I find you my boyfriend about to fuck some club hoe?”

“Excuse me...” The girl began but both Liam and Zayn shot her a look that shut her up quickly.

“If you didn’t always insist on collecting the spare keys to our rooms all the time and using them whenever the fuck you wanted you wouldn’t have seen this so yeah it kind of is the biggest deal here.”

“You’re unbelievable, but ok you’re right carry the fuck on then…” With that she stormed back out the way she entered slamming the door behind her and Zayn really wanted to continue, big boobs McGhee seemed to still be game despite the interruption so he didn’t really know why he was suddenly throwing her blouse at her and offering to call her a cab.

She gave him an incredulous glare before mumbling that she could call her own cab and mimicking Liam by stomping out the room with a slamming of the door. Zayn winced this time, biting his lip because what the fuck was wrong with him here he was still half hard, having thrown a willing not to mention well fit body out and for what? His conscious? Shaking his head he didn’t bother to throw his shirt back on as he headed for Liam’s room in just his baggy jeans.

Banging his fist on the door, he didn’t let up until a glaring Liam dressed in nothing but an oversized jumper came to the door. Liam cocked an eyebrow up at him that dripped of disdain, her features schooled as if to say ‘well what do you want?’ Zayn’s own lip curled up in anger because Liam wasn’t even going to invite him in, stood blocking any possible point of entrance—the nerve!

Zayn could feel his blood literally boiling in his veins and he’s missed this so much this snarky back and forth with her that before he can stop himself Zayn is moving forward and wrapping a hand around the back of Liam’s neck, she has just enough time to gasp, eyes widening comically before their lips meet in a sweet mesh.

He moans into the kiss, pressing harder and he didn’t even realize how bad he needed this until he finally had it, with the door now closed behind them the kiss turns frantic—all bruising lips and clinking teeth and Liam can barely keep up when Zayn’s hand is suddenly snaking its way up under her shirt and she should stop him, wants to _want_ to stop him, but the truth is she needs this just as bad, despite how she found him earlier, maybe even _because_ of how she’d found him earlier, not so much surprised that he would be having sex because this is _Zayn_ after all, but because he wasn’t having sex with _her_.

Sliding soft hands up her silky inner thigh he palmed her between her legs causing Liam to let out an involuntary cry, surprising them both with the eagerness with which she pressed down.

“Zayn.” She gasped, grinding into his touch. Zayn had to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing because Liam’s breathy moans had him nearly on the brink and they hadn’t even done anything yet.

“What do you what Li, huh?”

“Please.” She whimpered, not knowing what she should ask for, how far were they willing to go, how far was _too far_? With a growl Zayn hauled her up, her legs instinctively wrapping themselves around his waist as he carried her over to the bed, laying her down onto it gently Zayn followed suit, gripping the hem of her shirt he tugged at it, meeting her eyes. Liam bit her lip reading the question there and before she could internalize what was about to happen and inevitably talk herself out of doing it she rose both hands above her head not missing the way the corners of Zayn’s mouth turned up in amusement as he pulled the shirt up and off  of her body. Liam sat in the middle of the full size bed, in nothing but a pair of purple panties her perfect breasts heaving as she breathed a tad bit heavier than usual.

“God you’re beautiful.” Zayn whispered, causing Liam to flush under the weight of his gaze but she smiled shyly as she reached a tentative hand out to trace the ridges of Zayn’s abs, making the darker boy suck in a lungful of air. Without warning he surged forward, blanketing her body with his own and capturing her mouth with his once more. They kiss like this for a few beats with Zayn hovering just above her, one hand holding his weight up and the other caressing up and down Liam’s side. 

“Liam.” Zayn breathed into her mouth after tracing the seam of her lips with the tip of his tongue she granted him entrance and he groaned, sitting back on his haunches suddenly he took hold of both her knees, spreading them so that he could now easily fit between them.

 Resuming their kissing this time he was able to cant his hips forward, grinding their crotches together and making the most obscene noises bubble from the back of Liam’s throat. Until finally she broke the kiss, panting against the side of his neck, almost dizzy from the intoxicating scent of cologne, sweat and _just Zayn_ she found there.

“Shit, Zayn I’m nervous.” Zayn paused in peppering her shoulder with tiny kisses to look up at her.

“Huh, is this too fast. You want to stop?” His voice may have been filled with concern, and she believed that if she had said yes, that she wanted to stop he would have but his eyes begged her not to.

“No, I just never, I’m a girl now Zayn so I’m like a virgin again you know?” Zayn let out a relieved breath, dropping his forehead to rest against her chest.

“Damn, is that it? Christ Liam I know that, I’ll be gentle, of course I’ll be gentle.” Zayn mumbled into the skin between her breasts, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine.

“You….mm…alright.” Zayn continued to kiss a trail down her body, murmuring words into her skin like: gorgeous, gonna make this so good for you, wanna taste you.’ Until he lie with his face between her legs noting the darker patch that had formed on the crotch of her panties in her excitement. Without thinking he pressed his nose to the dampness and breathed in deep, having to adjust himself at the roll of arousal that passed through him and fuck if he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this turned on, not even with Perrie.

Pulling her panties to the side he tongued at her clit making Liam arch up into him, Zayn chuckled, the vibrations making Liam’s eyes roll back in her skull. He licked stripe after of stripe into her, making her squirm away from him, but he just held her in place with one hand while he brought his other up to her, where he entered two fingers. Liam cried out in orgasm, nearly sitting up with the force of it. Undeterred Zayn doubled his efforts licking her though her it and using his fingers to scissor her open.

Her needy whimpers mixed with the absolutely wrecked look on her face, Zayn knew he had to be in her or else he might explode so he sat up. Making short work of ridding his body of his jeans and briefs, and retrieving the condom he’d been planning to use earlier from the back pocket before tossing them blindly to the floor. Moving back in between her legs he brought the foil package to his mouth but before he could tear it open with his teeth Liam halted him with a hand on his hip.

“No, Zayn wait, what about…what about you?” She asked, gesturing towards his erection.

“Oh well do you even know how, have you ever even?”  Liam shook her head because of course she hadn’t Zayn was the first boy she’d ever been with, before tonight she’d been a completely hetero male but the urge she had to have Zayn in her mouth was unnerving.

“It’s alright then, I don’t need…”

“No, Zayn let me.” The utter determination in her voice is what had Zayn nodding and crawling up Liam’s body, kneeling above her chest with a knee on either side of her shoulders. With her head angled by three pillows she took Zayn in hand giving it a few experimental licks she tried to think back to all the things she’d enjoyed about receiving a blowjob and cupping Zayn’s fuzzy sac with one hand she guided the head of Zayn’s dick to her mouth with the other. She wasted no time, bobbing up and down on Zayn like a champion, taking as much into her mouth as she could and stroking the rest in time with her tongue.

 It was messy and she came close to nicking him with her teeth a few too many times for his liking but the slurping sounds she was making coupled with the genuine enthusiasm she seemed to have was driving Zayn mad. So much so that to Liam’s disappointment he pushed at her shoulder’s to get her to back off and release him; she did so with a wet _pop_.

“I need you Li, now, please?” Without meaning to, Liam looked up at him, mouth red and used and glistening from the drool she had yet to wipe away, her hair a sweaty mess from where his fingers had been buried moments before and then like a scene right out of a Harlequin romance novel she threw her head back, spreading her legs for him and whispered:

“Then have me.” Zayn didn’t know whether to laugh or moan, but figuring the former might be sort of  mood killer, he found the condom once more and ripped it open, rolling it onto himself he nudged at Liam’s entrance, making Liam inhale sharply and hold it.

“I’ll go slow yeah?” Zayn whispered, mostly as a reminder to himself but she nodded back anyway. He pressed in and fuck was she tight he could tell she was uncomfortable by the way her hands clenched at the sheets and her eyes pinched in slightly but she didn’t tell him to stop so he took that as the go ahead and slipped in further, this time she whimpered, closing her eyes and biting her lip.

“Ok?” He asked, somewhat short of breath because without realizing it he had stopped breathing. She nodded her head frantically so he pressed the rest of the way in, until his pubes tickled her bum and just stayed like that allowing her to grow used to being filled so completely. She finally released the breath she’d taken, alternating between panting and shivering until finally she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him even closer and kissing him.

“Move.”  She gritted out against his lips and Zayn did not need to be told twice. Pulling out minutely before easing back in, he repeated this until he developed a rhythm that was slowly driving Liam insane, until Zayn switched angles on her and suddenly her eyes bugged out and her mouth froze in a silent cry as she bit her lip and nodded over and over and Zayn could only interpret this as having done something right so he pulled out and hit her in the same spot gaining a similar reaction except that this time she did actually cry out, gripping his hips she pulled him in deeper.

“There, please Zayn…faster.” The darker boy complied, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip concentrating on bringing her pleasure and not succumbing to his own orgasm too soon because the way she moaned his name, pleaded with him not to stop was doing awful things to him.

“Oh god, I’m going to…oh _god_.” Liam suddenly brought a hand up to rub at herself in time with his thrusts and before she was entirely ready to Liam threw her head back and came. Letting out a sigh of relief because he hadn’t known how much longer he could hold out for her, Zayn let out a harsh grunt, and leaned down to bring their lips together once more, he moaned into her mouth as he reached his own release.

XXX

The next morning Liam stretches awake, groaning at the pain she’s in, when her arm comes in contact with a warm body she startles for less than a beat before all the memories of last night come flooding in and she groans again because Zayn had been drunk and would probably wake up with a list a mile long filled with regrets and she hadn’t had any excuse at all except that she’d gone and done the most foolish thing she can manage and fallen in love with her band mate, her very straight band mate who she couldn’t get along with on a good day, but who set her insides aflame with even the barest of smiles.

Slipping out of bed she grabbed the first top and bottom combination she could get her hands on and crept to the bathroom to dress, she didn’t bother to use the toilet even though she had to pee something fierce for fear that the flush might wake Zayn.

Now dressed she found her purse, chucks and room key and left, not knowing where she was going exactly but that she couldn’t bare being there when Zayn awoke, just thinking about the look of utter disgust on Zayn’s face threatened to turn her stomach.

She ends up in a corner café a few streets down from their hotel, she doesn’t even like coffee but she orders a tall regular and a plain toasted bagel. Finding her way into a booth she all but collapsed into the cushioned seat, she added three sugars to her coffee and blew onto it in order to take a cautious sip. It still burns it way down her throat and she winces, choosing to instead doctor her bagel up with cream cheese and the I can’t believe it’s not butter spread the girl had thrown onto her plate before taking Liam’s money. It’s probably a decent bagel but right now it’s as tasteless as cardboard she gets three full bites into half of it before she drops it to the plate in defeat.

“Hey there sweet thang.” An oddly familiar voice says from behind her, even though it’s quite obvious whoever it is, is trying to mask their voice by pitching it a couple octaves deeper. Liam sighs, rolling her eyes because she’s been sitting peacefully in the café for a good hour now undisturbed she turned to face the voice with a glare when her eyes widen in surprise when she meets the bright blue eyes of Louis Tomlnson.

“Louis, how did you?”

“Eh, I may have linked our gps without telling you after the last time you disappeared for almost a week.”

“I’d had my period; did you _really_ want to be around me then?”

“I always want to be around you Li, it’s funny how loving someone to bits can make you crazy that way huh?” Liam rolled her eyes, but bit her lip to hide its tremble as Louis took up the seat across from her.

“So to what disastrous occasion do we owe this to—you running off to hide away in a café? Since when do you even drink coffee?”

“Something may have happened between Zayn and I last night.” Liam blurted, deciding not to beat around the bush because this was Louis and he wouldn’t relent until she told him anyways.

“Ok, something like—like a sexual something?” At Liam’s bashful nod Louis sucked in a harsh breath.

“Oh wow, didn’t see that one coming but alright I assume you see this as a bad thing for whatever reason.”

“What do you mean for whatever reason; of course it’s a bad thing…”

“Oh please Liam you think we haven’t noticed the way you look at him now? The only ones who seem clueless about your feelings for him are you and Zayn.”

“Yeah well that’s the thing isn’t it, he doesn’t feel—its Zayn there’s no way he could ever…”

“Have you talked to him about it—don’t bother answering that because I know you haven’t this is _you_ we’re talking about  after all and yes it is Zayn and yeah maybe before you developed those girly bits of yours he wouldn’t have looked at you cockeyed.” Liam flinched at this, but it was the truth, so Louis reached across the table to grasp her hand, making sure to meet her eyes as he continued:

 “But you do have those spectacular tits now and you’re not the only one whose changed their tune, he looks at you too sometimes Liam, the boys and I have noticed so as far as I can tell last night has been a long time coming, now you two just need to try and be adult about this and actually talk things out, if you can manage.”

She’s quiet for a long time after that, long enough for Louis to make a noise of disapproval, dropping her hand and stealing the remains of her bagel instead, stuffing most of it into his mouth in one bite. Finally she looked up from her hands to meet his ocean blues and simply nodded once, a verbal declaration not at all necessary, nodding back in satisfaction Louis stole a sip of her now lukewarm coffee grimacing as he swallowed.

“Now that that’s all settled how about we get out of here and find ourselves a pancake house for a proper breakfast, Niall should be up by now and absolutely famished, and as you well know a hungry, hung over  Horan makes for not a happy boy at all.” Despite herself Liam found herself smiling as she followed Louis to the exit.

Hours later when Liam finally braves returning to her room she finds it empty and sighs in relief.

XXX

It’s been nearly two weeks since that night and she still has yet to make good on her promise to Louis, instead she’s become a pro at the avoidance game. Zayn to his effort has tried to talk to Liam but she wouldn’t so much as look at him most days, in fact it isn’t until management literally calls them in about the breakup rumors swirling around due to their lack of ‘appearances’ together. That’s she’s even in the same room as him for more than a few minutes.  The two agree to go out on more dates starting tomorrow and are dismissed.

Liam tries to breeze out of the building without fault but Zayn catches her by the arm as she’s waiting for the elevator and she really should’ve thought better and opted for the stairs.

“Liam, we need to talk.”

“No, we really don’t. We never did before—on our uh, dates.”

“It was different then, that was before we…”

“Don’t, just please don’t. alright?”

“No, not alright. I want to know, no goddamnit I need to know what you’re problem is, I mean we make love and then you’re just gone when I wake up no note, text or voicemail, nothing and then you avoid me for the next two weeks, weeks Liam? Things are nowhere near alright and we’re going to talk about this whether you like it or…”

“Talk about what Zayn? There’s nothing to talk about really I’ve gone and fallen in love with you like a dolt and I’m sorry if it’s hard being around you without wanting to kiss you, now can you please let me go?” She pleaded tugging her arm from his grasp just as the elevator doors open. Zayn let out a soft breath and Liam looks up to find him smiling.

“You silly sod, I love you too!”  She barely has time to make a surprised noise before Zayn is crowding her into the elevator and kissing her possessively against the wall.

XXX

Things are great for a while in Zianna world with the couple going out on genuine dates and making the fangirls coo at their public displays of affection that never crossed the line of cute into _get a room already_.

In fact things were going a little too well and if Liam were being honest with herself she shouldn’t have been all that surprised when she was awoken by Zayn spooning her from behind, nuzzling his nose into the back of her neck he trailed kisses across the plane of her shoulders wrapping an arm around her body to cup a breast, he made a confused noise when all his hand came in contact with was a smooth pectoral. Realization set in and all at once he tore himself from their embrace as if it burned to be so close to Liam.

“Zayn, babe what’s the matter?” She asked her throaty morning voice even rougher than usual.

“Liam, you’re back, you’re you again.”  Liam blinked soft bleary brown eyes up at him and he didn’t know if it were relief or disappointment he read on the older boys face. With furrowed brow Liam snaked a hand down underneath the covers and grinned when he came in contact with his trusty dick, already half mast with morning wood, man had he missed it.

“Fuck yeah I am.” Liam couldn’t help but crow, rubbing the sensitive head of his dick and letting out a soft moan as he did so. Zayn cleared his throat and Liam grinned at him.

“Do you uh, two want to be alone for a bit.” He tried for a joking tone but missed by a mile.

“Why would I want that when I have a perfectly capable boyfriend to do it for me?” Liam joked, moving to lift the blanket from his naked body when Zayn yelped, moving towards the door.

“No, don’t Liam, I uh…look you’re a boy again yeah?” Liam rolled his eyes.

“I haven’t gone to have a look in the mirror yet Z, but I think in this case feeling is more than enough proof.”

“Exactly so, you can’t possibly think we’d continue to…we’re straight Liam, both of us, you were a girl before so…”

“But it was still me Zayn, I don’t understand I was straight and you were a boy and I still dated you, so maybe it doesn’t matter what’s between our legs maybe I just like being with you, don’t you, don’t you like me Zayn?”

“Liam, don’t do this alright we’re mates yeah? But I’m just not attracted to men, I’m sorry. I’ve got to…” He moved to gather his jeans and t-shirt from the night before as well as his shoes and left without another glance.

XXX

It took their team two days to stage the perfect break up, with Liam having to don a sundress that still fit oddly and a padded bra for one final time and thus came the end of Zianna, the fans took it in stride they’d really liked her and had enjoyed seeing the ‘old Zayn’ again but when the news broke that Liam was finally better and that the _Take Me Home_ tour would resume shortly they quickly got over it.

XXX

He’d been a boy again for over a month and things had pretty much gone back to the way they were before his spontaneous sex change, with him and Zayn barely speaking but this time there was the added bonus of not even being able to look the other in the eye without remembering the noises the other made when they were close to orgasm, or that Zayn liked to have him belly scratched after eating a big meal or that Liam preferred Nestle chocolate syrup over Hershey for his chocolate milk, which he always drank whenever he ate French toast.

Other things had changed for Liam as well, he no longer felt constricted by society’s labels of straight or gay because he realized it didn’t matter he liked what he liked, looking back he realized that a lot of the traits he’d admired in other men, like a thick strong neck, broad back and tight ass things he’d always thought he admired because he was envious in actuality he was just attracted to those attributes and there was nothing wrong with it, he came out to Louis first who simply clapped him on the back and told him:

“Welcome to the team.”  Harry and Niall were next; Harry had simply shrugged and congratulated him while Niall who had just taken a monstrous bite out of his cheeseburger smiled from around his burger and flashed him a thumbs up sign.

Lastly he cornered Zayn on his way out the front door; they had an early sound check. Zayn looked up from where he’d just finished locking up, eyeing the coffee cup Liam held out for him with trepidation before finally taking it with a quiet ‘cheers.’ Liam shrugged and the two walked to the cab that waited for them in silence. After they were both buckled in and moving Liam turned to face him.

“So, bringing you a coffee isn’t the only reason I waited behind for you this morning.” Zayn snorted into his cup.

“Didn’t think it was.” He grumbled, but nodded for Liam to continue.

“Alright, well the others know already and I thought it only right that I tell you as well…I—I’m bisexual Zayn. I like both boys and girls.”

“Erm…”

“No, wait…before you say anything it’s not like your fault, it’s no one’s _fault_ it’s just how I am I’ve always been attracted to other men and just didn’t know it, covered it by saying things like ‘wow he’s well fit, wish I had arms like his’ instead of ‘wow he’s well fit I’d love to feel him hold me down with those arms of his’ being with you just opened my eyes to the fact that I was capable of  uh, loving another man is all.” He finished in a small voice, concentrating on his lap rather than the other boy’s reaction.

“Well, good on you I suppose, sorting your sexuality out and all, that’s uh great Liam. Cheers.” Zayn spoke with his face turned to the window and Liam didn’t know what he’d expected him to say after his confession but he did know this wasn’t it, this callous impersonal manner, this cold avoidance it was killing him, because he was still very much in love with Zayn despite everything that told him not to, that Zayn would never come around, that he wasn’t worth it.

“Yeah, thanks.” He finally said, turning to his own window just as they pulled into the parking lot.

XXX

Zayn is back to his old habits of drunken pickups from the club, but this time he is more discreet thanks to more than a few warnings courtesy of management.  Zayn’s flat might as well have a revolving door the amount of nameless, faceless women that come parading through it never staying for longer than a night never making any kind of connection, he is robotic and devoid of any emotions, they’re all expendable and that’s just the way he likes it because feelings, leave you open for hurt and he’s done hurting, he promised himself after Perrie, but then he’d gone and let his guard down with _Lianna_ , god what a joke that had been, funny thing of all is he doesn’t know who fell harder for it, the media or him.

XXX

They’re just breaking up for the night after a grueling four hours of rehearsals, the last one before they head to America to kick off the tour when Niall hip checks him and asks if he wanted to stop off for a bite before they head home, he dangles the keys to his newly purchased Range Rover in front of Liam enticingly. Liam rolls his eyes but nods, climbing into the passenger side after Niall presses the unlock button on his keychain. 

They end up at the closest Nando’s (of course) and Niall orders nearly half the menu (of course) so it takes forever and a day for their food to come and by then Niall’s annihilated three complimentary bread baskets entirely on his own. Liam is sipping at his coke when Niall suddenly nudges him with the toe of his sneaker.

“Ay, Li isn’t that yer man crush from Twilight? Taylor Lautner or summat? Or well I guess he’s just an actual crush now huh?” Liam doesn’t bother trying to be discreet as he turns fully in his seat and gapes at the celebrity in question and sure enough it is him, sitting with two other people around their age a girl with honey blonde hair and a dude who looks vaguely familiar from the Disney channel maybe or possibly Glee! 

He’s trying his hardest to figure it out when Taylor looks up and straight at him and Liam doesn’t mean to make the noise he does sitting up straighter in surprise and hitting his knee hard on the table. He hisses out in pain and distantly hears Niall laughing but all he can focus on is the smile Taylor sends him and the loaded head tilt. Liam blinks astonished eyes but quickly recovers enough to return the gesture before turning around to face Niall once more, beaming. The blonde’s eyes are wide and full of amusement.

“So what was that about?”

“What was what about?” Liam asked, blinking falsely innocent eyes.

“The head tilt-y thing?”

“Oh that, nothing but I’m pretty sure he just asked me out.”  Niall raised a surprised eyebrow.

“With a head tilt?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t just a head tilt it was his eyes, the smile and all of it together, he’s definitely interested.”

“No kidding, you got all that from a head tilt, fuck man I’ve got to try that one sometime.”

“On who Demi Tomato? Besides I think it’s a Taylor Lautner thing, it may not work for mere mortals of the Irish variety.” Niall who had started turning a nice shade of red at the mention of his long time crush’s name just shook his head.

“More like it only works on an easy tosser such as yourself.” Liam stuck his tongue out. It turns out Taylor’s in London doing some filming for a new action movie the girl is actually from Glee! Diana something and the dude used to be on Gossip girl. He finds all of this out thanks to Niall who’d insisted on using his Iphone to IMDB Taylor.

“So how exactly is that supposed to work anyway?” Niall asks suddenly around a mouthful of chicken and Liam would chastise the blonde for his lack of manners except that he’s too interested in what he’s actually said to care.

“How is what supposed to work?”

“This date you and wolfy over there are going on, how do you know when and where and all that rot?”

“Please tell me you don’t plan to continue to refer to him as ‘wolfy’ and I don’t rightly know, he asked me so it’s up to him.”

“I sure as hell am now and it looks like they’re finished eating and fitting to leave.” Liam took his time turning around this time, trying for a more discreet approach but in his hesitation he completely missed the way Niall’s eyes widened comically, jaw almost lying on the table in shock. So when he finally did turn he came face to crotch with Taylor Lautner himself .

“Uh…” Liam eloquently trailed as his eyes made a slow path up the darker boy’s body to reach his smirking face.

“Hi, Liam Payne right?” And if Liam was surprised the actor knew his name he tried his damnest not to show it and simply nodded.

“Cool, I’m Taylor…”

“Oh he knows of ya mate.” Niall chimed in, with a chuckle. Liam would’ve glared at his band mate but he was still sort of reeling at the fact that this was really happening, that Taylor Lautner was really standing in front of him, speaking to him, already knowing his name and everything.

“Right, so I’m in town for a few more weeks and haven’t had time to have a proper look around London and was hoping I’d run into someone local to show me the sights maybe?” And it was such an awful chat up line but Liam would be lying if he said he didn’t fall for it hook, line and sinker.

“Oh, oh yeah I could…if you mean me that is, I could take you around.”

“That would be awesome, let me give you my number and we’ll be in touch then.” He said, reaching a hand out for Liam’s cell and handing over his. They exchange numbers and Taylor says something along the lines of ‘I look forward to hearing from you’ and with a wink he’s gone. Niall hasn’t stopped laughing and teasing him about it since.

XXX

They have a few more weeks of promo to do before they leave for America, so the next morning while doing an interview for some teeny mag he can’t remember the name of Niall takes it upon himself to let the other lads know of Liam’s recent love connection.

“Wait, Taylor Lautner as is Jacob from Twilight?” Harry asked, leaning over Louis to speak to Niall.

“As in the ex of Harry’s ex?” Louis joked, pushing Harry off him with a hand to the face.

“Oh, don’t be an arse.” The younger boy glared.

“Yes and yes, he was at Nandos just yesterday when he and Liam met eyes from across the room and I swear boys it was more romantic than Titanic, the Notebook and Love Actually all put together, violins began to play, birds were a chirping and time literally stood still—“ Liam rolled his eyes, slapping a hand over the blonde to shut him up.

“Fuck you very much Niall, can we not do this right now?” He made a face and removed his hand when Niall licked his palm, wiping the blonde’s saliva off onto his jeans.

“No, no I’ve got to hear this, I want all the juicy details about you and Taylor Lautner apparently eye fucking each other in the middle of Nandos, you exhibitionist you.” Harry teased, eyebrows bouncing comically on his forehead.

“Did you at least use protection, is my concern.” Louis chimed in, just having to throw his two cents in. Liam shook his head.

“May Nicholas Cage piss on everything you love while wearing crocs and dancing to gangnum style.”  He spat, causing the boys to erupt into raucous laughter, thus successfully ending the conversation, or knowing them just pausing it momentarily as the interviewer finally joined them. All except Zayn who sat quietly on the furthest edge of the couch they all managed to squeeze onto, arms crossed and frowning.

Taylor ends up texting Liam during the interview and when they’re done and all piling into the van that would take them to their apartment complex Liam checks his phone to see he has not one but two texts from Taylor and can’t help but grin.

 **Taylor:**   _dinner tonight @ 8?_

 **Taylor:**   _sum place British?_

 **Liam:**   _sounds grait! I kno da perf place sooo britsh_

“Is that a text from your wolfy lover?” Niall cackled, reading his text from over his shoulder. Liam tried to shield his cell screen belatedly and narrowed his eyes at the blonde instead.

“I thought I told you not to call him that.”

“No you _asked_ me not to, to which I distinctly remember saying _no_.” Liam grumbled a few choice words about what he thought about Niall, making the shorter boy laugh and throw an arm around his neck.

“Ok, but seriously it’s cool you know? Him asking you out and all.” Niall assured with a squeeze and Liam appreciated his friend’s carefree acceptance more than he would ever know.

“He did what now?” Louis shouted from beside Niall, tugging on Liam’s left earlobe.

“Taylor just asked ‘im out to dinner tonight, yeah buddy.”  The Irishman helpfully informed.

“Whoa, that boy doesn’t waste time where is he taking you?” Harry observed aloud, having paused his ipod to join the conversation.

“It’s my choice; he wants me to take him somewhere British.”

“Oh, somewhere _British_ so O’Malley’s it is then?” Liam winked at Niall, nodding.

“Got it in one.”  Harry suddenly sat up straight, slapping his palms against his cheeks ala Edvard Munch’s the scream.

“But Liam my boy what are you going to _wear_?” Liam rolled his eyes and bopped Harry on his curly topped head, not even dignifying him with an answer.

Liam ends up texting Taylor the address of this cozy tavern that was both a pub and restaurant called O’Malley’s that Niall and Harry had discovered a few months back. They were discreet and respectful of their business so the paps and media never caught wind or bothered them whenever they happened in. Leaving Liam and Taylor free to eat, drink, and get to know one another in peace, during which they found out that they have quite a lot in common: their love for boxing and general fitness (they’d both been on their high school track teams) they loved a lot of the same movies and had similar tastes in music.

By the end of the date if Liam had even the faintest inkling of doubt he was bi he was sure now because he really liked Taylor and was definitely attracted to him, it still came as a shock though when Taylor pulled Liam to him before they could part ways and kissed him sweetly on the lips. Liam sighed against the taller boy’s mouth and returned the kiss before they both pulled away with a flush to their cheeks that had very little to do with the alcohol they’d consumed during dinner.

When he enters his flat he goes about his usual business of dropping his keys into the bowl by the door, throwing his jacket over the back of a dining room chair, and toeing off his sneakers. He’s just entered the living room when suddenly he screams; leaping about three feet in the air when he notices Zayn sprawled out on his couch. The room is almost completely dark save for the slivers of light that slant through the blinds of the window of the waning sunlight, and Zayn was just sitting there, hadn’t turned on the lamp or the television to give Liam a heads up to his presence and nearly giving him a premature heart attack.

“Shit, Zayn. How about fair warning next time yeah? What are you doing sat here in the dark, in my living room, in my flat even?” He demanded, flicking the lamp on. Zayn squinted in the sudden light but remained silent.

“Thought I’d wait around so I could be the first one to hear about your fairy tale date, what’s it now Beauty and the Beast. Did he give ya a twirl Liam?” Liam’s lip curled up in disgust, choosing not to answer and instead countered with:

“Haven’t you some bar slag to be buried 6 inches deep in right about now.” Zayn actually winces at Liam’s crudeness.

“Yeah, probably but I’ve been missing your mouth and reckon I’d come over and give ya a treat.”

“Zayn are you…” Seeing the mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniels at Zayn’s side Liam frowns.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’ve had a little drink tonight yeah what of it?”  Zayn raised his hands up in defense, his slurred speech giving him away.

“That’s why you’re here and talking crazy?”

“Talking crazy? I tell you I want you and that’s crazy? We were together for months Liam, _months_.”

“Back when I was a girl yes, we were but I’m a boy now and to quote you, you’re straight.”

“A mouths just a mouth in the dark.” Zayn said just above a whisper and he moves to stand but tumbles off of the couch instead and Liam should just leave his sorry ass there but he doesn’t moving forward he helps him back up on the couch and that was his first fatal mistake because now being within reach Zayn turns his head and kisses him and Liam has literally _ached_ for Zayn’s kisses so he does the foolish thing and kisses back and doesn’t protest when the darker boy opens his jeans with one hand and grabs Liam’s hand with the other, bringing it to rest on his tented briefs.

“Please Liam.” He pleads and Liam should refuse, should think about Taylor and the amazing first date they’ve just had, should show a little pride and not let Zayn use him like his own personal play thing, he should do a lot of things but what he does is peel back Zayn’s underwear, moaning at the sight of Zayn’s drooling erection, because he’s missed this, missed him so fucking much.

Meeting Zayn’s eyes he finally nodded and kneeled down between the older boy’s legs so he could suck him more comfortably eyes closing as he took the head between his lips, the clicking of the lamp’s switch the only indication that Zayn had reached up to turn off the light. 

Afterward as Zayn sat back spent and panting, with Liam still knelt between his legs and stoking up and down his jittery thighs, cooing him soothingly just like he’d always liked it and just like a sobering glass of ice water to the face Zayn is suddenly reminded who it is that’s just sucked him off, and sits up, pushing Liam’s hands from his body. Liam frowned but said nothing as Zayn stuffed himself back into his jeans and redid his fly, without a word he was gone, leaving Liam hard and untouched.

From then on Liam avoids being alone with Zayn at all costs and devotes all his free time before they leave for America with Taylor, showing him the sights of London but mostly just spending time together after Taylor finally admits that he’s been to London quite a few times before and had used wanting to see the city from a local’s perspective as a ruse to get to know Liam. Liam felt both flattered and dreadfully gullible.

Meanwhile Zayn seemed to take every opportunity he could to crack a joke at the new couple’s expense or insult Taylor’s acting skills (or lack thereof according to him)  which pisses Liam off but he ignores it for the most part which gets under the darker boy’s skin easier than any snide retort ever could have.

XXX

The time comes for Taylor to fly back to L.A to wrap up filming and he asks Liam to fly a couple of days earlier than the band so they can be together before the tour begins and Liam isn’t sure if he should or not because this would no doubt be a big step in their relationship, which they’ve kept pretty casual up to this point but staying at Taylor’s L.A house for a week or so uninterrupted was much too intimate for casual dating, it was more like something you did when you were in a relationship. This is exactly how he put it when he gathered the fellas together for lunch after yet another meeting with management and the road crew.

“Liam that’s completely understandable.” Louis assured, flicking a fork with a speared cherry tomato on the end of it in his direction.

“All jokes aside how far have you two gone?” Niall piped in curiously.

“Erm not very far, just a lot of making out and um, mutual hand jobs.” The blonde let out an exaggerated whistle, pulling an astonished face.

“Huh, ok well it looks like our boy Taylor is definitely ready to take the next step.”

“When would you be leaving?” The oldest member asked, trying to bring the conversation back on point.

“Tomorrow morning.” It was Harry’s turn to whistle, making Liam frown in annoyance.

“Damn, he wants some Liam bad.”

“Harry…” Louis and Niall warned in unison. Harry held his hands up in surrender.

“Ok, ok sorry. But come on you’ve been seeing each other nonstop for weeks and all he’s gotten is some heavy petting and a hand job? He wants in your pants. Fact.”

“So what should I do…should I go?     

“Do you _want_ to?” Niall asked as if it was that simple, and maybe it was, but Liam just wasn’t sure.

“Uh, kind of? Yes.”

“Well which is it?” Louis shouted flipping the stubborn fringe out of his face in exasperation.

“Yes, I mean I like him a lot and he likes me and it’s ridiculously easy being with him he’s interesting and makes me laugh and fuck is he hot...” Liam trailed off with a dreamy look on his face.

“Is he a good kisser? He looks like he’d be a really good kisser.” Harry asked, not missing the look on Liam’s face.

“You have no idea.” Liam said, and then bit his lip blushing when he realized just how that sounded. The other three chuckled and it was Niall who clapped him on the back with a grin.

“So there you go.”

“Huh?” He asked, dumbfounded.

“I think you have your answer Li.” Searching the faces of his three band mates Liam finally smiled and nodded more to himself then to them.

“Yeah, yeah I think I’m going to text him to book me the ticket after all.”

“Thatta boy.”  Louis crowed before the sound of a chair being roughly dragged across the floor suddenly echoed in the room, making the four boy’s jump as Zayn stood up from the table he’d chosen to sit not too far from their own (close enough to have heard their entire conversation) with Josh, Sandy and the rest of the crew, and headed for the exit. The table all shared a knowing look before finishing up their lunch in silence.

XXX

Liam is throwing the last of his things in his bags when there’s a knock at the door. He knows it isn’t Taylor because they’d agreed the night before that they would just meet at the airport instead of Taylor driving all the way out to his flat only to drive all the way back for their plane. Opening the door Liam is shocked to find Zayn on the other side of it.

“Zayn what are you doing here? I’ve got to pack.” He asked in greeting.

“Yeah I can’t let you do that Li.” Zayn shrugged, shouldering his way into Liam’s apartment much to the other boy’s dismay. Liam sighed; shaking his head he shut the door and turned to follow him.

“What’re you talking about I don’t have time for this I’ve a plane to catch.” Liam reminded, watching as the darker boy paced his living room floor, gripping his hair in distress.

“That’s just it Li, if you fly to LA early you’re going to meet up with him right, Taylor?” He spat his name as if it burned.

“Yes Zayn he is my boyfriend, that’s how it works.” Zayn flinched as if physically struck by the word ‘boyfriend’, but trudged on.

“I know, but if you go there it’d be like a step right, a _major_ step in your relationship and you can’t do that.” Liam threw his hands up in frustration.

“Zayn, you, fuck you alright? You can’t just go around telling me I can’t go see my _boyfriend_ for that matter you can’t keep doing this to me Zayn, jerking me along like you have been. You don’t want me but no one else can have me is that right?” Zayn finally let the grip on his hair go and looked up at Liam with eyes that begged Liam to understand, to hear what he wasn’t saying, what he couldn’t say.

“Jesus, do you think I wanted this, I’m straight Liam and you you’re a _boy_ , I’m not supposed to _still_ have feelings for you, I can’t.”

“Then let me go.” He said as if it was that easy and maybe it should’ve been but:

“I…” Liam moved to walk around Zayn but the older boy grabbed him by the waist and suddenly pulled him flush against his body, capturing his lips before he could really process what was going on.

“I can’t do that either.” He whimpered against Liam’s mouth and he sounded so goddamn defeated that all Liam could do was sigh, melting into his arms and let himself be kissed.

Needless to say he misses his plane and he doesn’t even have an excuse to offer Taylor, choosing to ignore his texts and calls because it was just easier on the both of them that way.

Things between him and Zayn aren’t anymore defined than they were before Zayn’s confessions the morning of Liam’s flight and it’s after about a week without contact between them that the boys all decide to hit the clubs one final night since only Louis was old enough to legally drink in America. Liam of course begs off and instead checks and double checks that he’s packed everything he’ll need for the next three months. He’s just changed into sleep pants and settled into bed with Frank Ocean’s cd playing on his ipod’s home dock when there’s a knock at his bedroom door and he nearly dashes to his closet for his trusty baseball bat, but then realizing that a burglar most likely wouldn’t knock he stands and makes his way to the door and for the second time in as many weeks he is surprised to see Zayn standing there.

“Zayn?”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Instead of answering Zayn moves into the room, kicking the door closed behind him and Liam can smell the alcohol coming off him in roves but before he can focus too much on that he is caught off guard by the desperate kiss Zayn pulls him into and he knows he should push him away and make him leave until he’s sobered up and they can talk about them once and for all but he doesn’t, doesn’t want to.

He’s missed this, missed being close to Zayn so fucking much that when Zayn pushes him to the bed and drops to his knees between Liam’s own all he can do is gasp as Zayn pulls at the drawstrings of his sleep pants.

“No, Zayn you don’t…you don’t want this.”

“But I do…”

“Zayn you’re drunk and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret, or hate me for.”

“I’m not though…” Liam looks down and realizes Zayn is completely sober.

“But you reek of…”

“Oh that, yeah clumsy Styles strikes again, the wanker spilled his entire drink in my lap, so I decided that was my cue to head home, only when I told the cab driver where I was going your address was the only thing to come to mind.”

“But you’re straight, you keep reminding me that you’re straight and I’m…”

“You’re what I want Liam. It may scare the shit out of me, that you’re a dude and we’ll work on that ok, I _want_ to work on that because I want to be with you. Please let me.” If Zayn noticed the tears in Liam’s eyes he didn’t mention it just resumed pulling Liam’s pants down his legs.

Coming face to face with Liam’s already achingly hard dick he took Liam into his hands and noticed just how soft and warm it was and this part was familiar because he’s wanked off enough times, but licking his lips to wet them he leant forward to give the head a tentative lick and Liam sucks in a breath, his dick jumping a little in Zayn’s look grasp which made an unexpected thrill flicker through the darker boy. He did it again letting his tongue linger at the slit, making Liam whimper, biting his lip and trying to keep his hips from thrusting up into Zayn’s inexperienced mouth. Zayn grinned and decided to go big or go home and took Liam’s entire head into his mouth in one swallow.

It doesn’t take much for Liam to come undone at the work of Zayn’s tongue but as the younger boy blinks sated eyes up t the ceiling, a wicked grin curved onto his lips as he reached for Zayn’s hand to tug him up to cover him and kissing him breathless. He trailed a hand down Zayn’s body to return the favor only for the other boy move his hips out of Liam’s reach.

“I uh, already…” He stammered unable to meet Liam’s shocked eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah…” Zayn trailed, blushing deeply.

“That’s so fucking hot.” Licking his lips Liam watched as Zayn looked up to finally meet his eyes and grinned shyly.

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm.” Liam mumbled into his mouth with a smug smile. Zayn yawned, rolling off of Liam to lie on the left side of the bed.

“Well, alright then. I’m a bit knackered, mind a bit of company tonight?”

“Not at all, I quite look forward for the freak out come tomorrow morning.” Liam had tried for a light tone but they both knew that his statement hadn’t been too far off from the truth. So Zayn decided not to comment and instead kicked off his doc marten boots and snuggled up behind Liam like he used to with Lianna.

XXX

 Liam stretched his arms high above his head, glancing over to his alarm clock he sees he’s still got a good half an hour before he actually needs to be up and ponders whether he would rather try and sneak a few more minutes of sleep or grab a quick shower and possibly a bowl of corn pops before the van arrives to whisk him off to the airport, when someone snorts in their sleep and he freezes, having temporarily forgotten about Zayn’s late night visit.

With wide eyes he turns over to face the darker boy and has to pinch himself to remind him that this is real life because Zayn is still there and he looks so beautiful and at peace and he wishes it could always be like this between them but he knows that is nothing more than a pipe dream. Sighing he moves to get out of bed, having decided on the shower and cereal after all and if he’s being honest not being there when Zayn woke up in an utter panic (because he’d had another boys dick in his mouth) wouldn’t hurt either.

But before he can escape the bed, Zayn’s eyes blink open to meet his own and it seems to take a minute for him to remember where he is and with whom and Liam holds his breath and waits for the freak out but instead Zayn smiles this soft sleepy smile at him.

“Morning.” Morning, _morning?_ Really that’s all he had to say was morning? After all the pain and heartache they’d been through, after months of torture, trading insults and avoidance, months where Liam pined and Zayn whored himself through over half of London’s female populace.

“That’s it? You suck one dick and you’re fine with the whole _big gay love_?” Liam knew he shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, if Zayn was somehow ok with things than who was he to complain, but it all just didn’t add up.

“No Liam I’m not _fine_ , to be honest I am freaking out a bit in my head but I want this to work yeah? So just…come here.” He said, and all at once a hand shot out from the cocoon of blankets Zayn somehow managed to wrap himself up in burrito style during the night and pulled Liam toward him and Liam knew that it couldn’t all be that simple that there would eventually be a talk and a talk about talking and a talk about talking about having _the talk_ but for now he just let himself be kissed, he’d leave the worrying for another time.


End file.
